Random thoughts of an upbeat mind

Posts tagged ‘death’

The Real June Recap

Confession time – I only realized on Friday, as in 2 days ago Friday, that the May recap was titled June recap… Yup took me all this time and I am not going to change it.

There were 21 walking days in June. and 2 workouts. I lost another 5 pounds which makes me think it is time to kick it up a notch. Since I go into the office 2 days a week now, I have committed to doing some sort of workout on the days that I am home. I figure that I can commit to 3 days a week to start. This will be in addition to my walking. I also started tracking my calories. This is not fun. I eat a lot of fruit which is a ton of sugar so I need to get that under control. I am going to say it is a summer problem. I am still eating relatively clean otherwise. Minimal gluten, processed sugar and gluten.

I read 4 books in June. I had high hopes for The Wrong Family but it didn’t thrill me. The other 3 were great. I attempted to finish 2 books that I had previously started. That did not go so well. I don’t seem to be in the right frame of mind for those books.

There were 14 no spend days in June. Still spending too much on food. I might have to ban myself from going to the stores. I might have overstated my grocery purchases recently as I don’t separate out my Costco bills and up until recently just groceries or cleaning supplies were available for purchase. Will keep an eye on this in July.

I had another massage and the poor RMT fought with good effort but I think my knots won. So I have been trying to more foam rolling in my life. I think it is helping. My left shoulder is very problematic. I might have to try to put a few yoga workouts in my life.

Towards the end of last summer, the AC in my car died and I decided it could wait. Well these hot days reminded me that I need AC. I took my car to the mechanic and it seemed like they fixed it. I was supposed to go back within a few days to see if everything was ok. I forgot until it was another hot day. In my defense I only leave the house a few times a week, so I wasn’t really focused on it. Anyhow, the condenser was leaking in multiple places so I spent a fortune to be cool in a vehicle I am not in often because I am foolish and like to be comfortable.

One of my neighbours passed away a couple of weeks ago. I usually only ran into her when I was on time to work so rarely, but other neighbours noticed her absence. They were reaching out to her sister to get her help but I don’t think that worked out like it should have. The police came one Saturday for a wellness check. I thought they got in contact with her. I was wrong. Two days later, they returned and had to get the fire department break open her door. She was dead, apparently had been for 10+ days. Very sad really. Even sadder is her apartment was cleared out and is now for sale. I hope she rests in peace.

This month, I have a day trip planned to get ice cream from this little town 2 hours away. I am really looking forward to this outing. Ontario is slowly opening back up and I am no rush to get out. The lockdown has been good to my wallet. 🙂 We have summer hours at work which means there are 5 Fridays of my choice during July and August that I get to leave at noon.

That’s all that is going on in my world.

Hope all is well with you and yours.

Heartbroken & Feeling Powerless

I was on track last week working out and walking until Thursday when I got a call from a friend who lives in the States asking me to pray for her son who was involved in a hit and run accident. I heard ICU and brain bleed but held out hope. What shook me what just how small and broken my friend sounded. This lady who just last month buried her husband of 36 years after a short and swift battle with leukemia. During her husband’s treatment and even after his death she still sounded like herself if that makes any sense.

Thursday night I prayed and wept for my friend. I even reached out to one of my pray warrior friends. Figured more people praying couldn’t hurt. Thursday night’s sleep was restless. I got up Friday and sent a quick text asking if there were any updates. She called me as I was on my way to work to tell me he passed away. I don’t know anything other than that. And if it wasn’t for this stupid pandemic I would be on a plane or driving to be by her side.

I have not felt like myself since. The pain I imagine she is in is unbearable to me. I don’t know if it is magnified because I am a parent or because this just goes against the natural order of things but I can’t think of anything worse than burying your child.

Logically I know there are people who have experienced these types of events and much more and survived, even came back stronger … I am not yet sure about my friend. Just last week we were talking about how much she has been through in the past 6 months without any real time off. Between both of her parents declining health, helping her sister who is their full time caregiver, starting a new job and having her hubby pass away it is a lot to deal with. We were discussing her figuring out how to take some time off or possibly changing jobs as she is not enjoying this new one and then one more trauma gets added to the pile.

This one cuts deep and I have no idea how to be useful from so far away. So for now I pray and hope that when I next speak to her I will have words of comfort and value.

Hope all is well in your world.

Sad News

This past Monday, I received an email from my Uncle letting our family know that his wife had passed away that morning.

I had no idea she was not well, much less was admitted to hospital the Friday before. Mind you, they do live overseas, but still.

My heart breaks for my cousins and my uncle. They seem to be coping well, but I’m not sure it is real to them yet.

I was going to try to attend the funeral that was held yesterday, but plane tickets were $2000!?! I love my Aunt but this is too much. I was telling a friend who works for an airlines that I wanted to go but cost is prohibitive and he looked to see if there is anything he could do. While he was able to find a route for significantly cheaper but it was standby with a stop in Miami. My gut told me that I would be able to get to Miami but no further and the way the flights were I would have had to leave on Thursday in order to make the funeral on Saturday. I learned all of this on Wednesday.

Much too rushed for my liking.

I miss my Aunt. She taught me to cook and more importantly provided some valuable insight into my family, more specifically my mother, when I was growing up which helped pave the way for a better relationship between us.

I am sad that I was not able to be there with my family, although it seems like more of us didn’t make the trip than did. To be fair, my family is huge, my Grandfather had 17 kids and most of them had at least 2 kids.

Maybe it is time for me to properly plan a trip.

A quick update

Oh gosh time is flying. The past 2 weeks have gone by in a blur. I have gotten into a reasonably good routine of working and exercise. I could do with a bit more socializing but one thing at a time.

Last Sunday, I had intended to write a post, but my cousins’ Grandmother died and her funeral was on Saturday and Sunday was spent hanging out with some of my cousins. We had brunch and wandered the city, going into many unique furniture stores. I need to stay out of these places, as I feel in love with a $2300 couch … O_o

I have been battling a head cold for the past week or more. I need more rest but I just can’t seem to slow down long enough to get well. I tried going to bed earlier most of last week and it seemed to help. Now if I could only lose the cough, life would be ideal.

Last night I went to see Trevor Noah live and he did not disappoint. I took transit downtown which is a change for me. But I figured that would be the better financial decision and it gave me time to read. It was an easy ride down and back.

Today I surprised myself with how productive I was. I cooked, cleaned and did laundry. If it could stay this way all the time … I would be dancing in the streets. I still need to dust but I am slowly going to get to it.

I have been trying my best to declutter. It is a work in progress. I started small with my spice cupboard. I threw out quite a few spices that expired in 2014. My plan moving forward is to reassess my spices every January. This was I can get rid of the ones that are not in use.

My intention is to finally do my kitchen renovations, late summer. To get ready I want to reduce the amount of things I own so there will be less to store, plus I could certainly own less.

My closet is my next target. I turned all my hangers the wrong way last year and I need to go through which ones I can let go and give away the ones I haven’t worn in a year. It helps that I am no longer that size and my style has changed a bit.

Enough talk about cleaning, time to motivate myself to workout.

 

 

The Horror

Image result for scale

Stepped on the scale on Monday …. If I didn’t know before that I have put on weight I definitely know now! O_o

I feel very obsessed with this new revelation and have been getting up in the morning to workout before going into the office. Given that I go to work for 7:30 am, this is no easy feat. Nothing like feeling badly about yourself to motivate you to get up and moving. 🙂

Today I am going to make the 4 hour drive to Ottawa to attend the funeral of my BFF’s father. He passed away last week after a long battle with cancer. *cancer sucks* My BFF and her father only recently attempted to have a relationship but I feel like it was too little too late. She is being pressured to speak at the service and her eulogy was filled with bitterness. 😦 It has since been edited.

The funeral is at 3 pm and afterwards I will be driving back to Toronto. Madness, I know. But I didn’t want to take too many days off for this. I am hoping that my cousin who lives in Ottawa will be home before I leave so I can see her for a quick minute.

 

The latest

It’s been a whirlwind two weeks. I have been meaning to come on here but with everything that’s been going on something had to give. 😦

2 weeks ago, my Aunt from MD was passing through on her way home from visiting my Grandfather in Antigua. Since her 50th birthday was last weekend, her older sister (also my Aunt ;)) decided to throw her a impromptu birthday lunch. It was a great event except for the huge shock I got walking into my Aunt’s house and seeing her head tied up with a scarf as she has no hair.

My Aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer in March, just before her trip to Antigua to help my Grandmother since my Grandfather had fallen and broken his hip. In between this trip and the one in May for my Grandmother’s funeral, my Aunt had a lumpectomy. Initially her diagnosis was good and it still is but her doctors have prescribed 4 rounds of chemo. When I saw her, she was at the half way point.

I had no idea. My Aunt thought either one of her daughters or my Dad would have told me. I spent the entire visit watching my Aunt. I was in shock.

2.5 weeks ago the father of one of my good friends suddenly passed away. He had a heart attack at work and just like that he was gone. She has not been dealing well with it at all. Yesterday was the funeral and it was hard.

With all of this, I have still managed to work out 6 days a week for the past 3 weeks. 🙂 Hence why this blog has been quiet.

Life is slowly returning to “normal”.

More bad news

The bad news just keeps on coming.

Last night, one of my cousins on my Dad’s side sent out a text message to our family group chat requesting our email addresses as she had “important” family business to tell.

I sent her a text to see what was up as I had a feeling. A bad feeling.

It was confirmed that her wife lost their baby that was due mid-September. He had died in utero Thursday evening and was delivered early Saturday morning. 😭

She also sent me a couple of pictures of him and his teeny tiny foot.

Broke my heart … again.

Unfortunately this cousin lives on the other side of the country so it’s not as easy to help out.

She sent her mass email this evening and as of 10 pm no one had responded, so I hit reply all and expressed all the sentiments I had sent her last night in our texting session. This prompted my Dad to reply.

I hope she gets the support she needs from my very unemotional family who all live on the East coast.

I know I’ve said it at least once already but I am so over death.

It can stop now

Okay 2016 you can stop taking my loved ones. I am going to count Prince in the mix even though we never crossed paths. He was on my bucket list to see perform and I’m a little peeved that it will not come to fruition.

On a more personal note, my Grandmother passed away on Saturday and while we were not particularly close I still feel incredibly sad. She lives in the Caribbean and I am grateful that 3 of her 6 children & my Grandfather were by her side so she didn’t die alone. She was 87 and was admitted into hospital on Thursday, slipped into a coma on Saturday and passed away an hour later. I hope she didn’t suffer.

My Dad arrived today and I am waiting to hear funeral details. Depending on when the funeral is will dictate if I go. Right now I don’t feel a pull to go like I did with my cousin and her aunt.

My Aunts and Uncles “seem” okay but time will tell. Most of my cousins are also “okay”. Like all things this too shall pass.

Good to go

Next weekend I am going back to MD for my cousin’s celebration of life ceremony. I’m a little excited to see my family again. Last Wednesday the Grandmother of my cousin, who is my birthday twin, died so it will be nice to see her and her mother again.

This morning I got up bright and early to take my car to the mechanic for an oil change and to look into why my check engine light was on. Turns out it was on because there was a day when it was cold and my car kind of choked when starting. It might mean that my thermostat needs to be replaced. So it’s been put on my long list of car repairs that I will get to at some point. I was assured that the car is good to go on this road trip.

While at the mechanic, they found a nail in my tire. They also changed my headlight. Other than that it was thankfully an uneventful visit. 🙂

I am ready for a nap, but I need to take my BFF to the airport at 1pm. So I might as well be productive. Laundry and my PVR are calling. 😁

My dog

I am going to start this by saying I am not a big dog person. I like them, would never do harm to them, but when people go goo goo ga ga over them I am not cooing along side them.

In theory I want a dog but I’m not ready for the responsibility of pet ownership. I like to travel and I haven’t wrapped my head around the whole poop thing.

My family for the most part do not have animals. The majority who do have animals, they are more like employees than pets. Dogs serve as security and cats as pest control. And they always live outside in warm climates obviously.

Sterling, a weimaraner, was the first dog I ever fell in love with, so much so I claimed him as my own. This means very little as he continued to live and be cared for by my friend in the States. But whenever I visited I made sure to shower him with love and affection.

He was born in September 2001. And last night he passed away.

He lived a long, good life and was full of energy up until last spring. I will miss that dog. He was an absolute joy to be around.