Heartbroken & Feeling Powerless

I was on track last week working out and walking until Thursday when I got a call from a friend who lives in the States asking me to pray for her son who was involved in a hit and run accident. I heard ICU and brain bleed but held out hope. What shook me what just how small and broken my friend sounded. This lady who just last month buried her husband of 36 years after a short and swift battle with leukemia. During her husband’s treatment and even after his death she still sounded like herself if that makes any sense.

Thursday night I prayed and wept for my friend. I even reached out to one of my pray warrior friends. Figured more people praying couldn’t hurt. Thursday night’s sleep was restless. I got up Friday and sent a quick text asking if there were any updates. She called me as I was on my way to work to tell me he passed away. I don’t know anything other than that. And if it wasn’t for this stupid pandemic I would be on a plane or driving to be by her side.

I have not felt like myself since. The pain I imagine she is in is unbearable to me. I don’t know if it is magnified because I am a parent or because this just goes against the natural order of things but I can’t think of anything worse than burying your child.

Logically I know there are people who have experienced these types of events and much more and survived, even came back stronger … I am not yet sure about my friend. Just last week we were talking about how much she has been through in the past 6 months without any real time off. Between both of her parents declining health, helping her sister who is their full time caregiver, starting a new job and having her hubby pass away it is a lot to deal with. We were discussing her figuring out how to take some time off or possibly changing jobs as she is not enjoying this new one and then one more trauma gets added to the pile.

This one cuts deep and I have no idea how to be useful from so far away. So for now I pray and hope that when I next speak to her I will have words of comfort and value.

Hope all is well in your world.

This and that

On Friday my building had a holiday potluck party.  It was supposed to run from 7-9.  Since I arrived home at 6:30 tired and unprepared, I decided to opt out and relaxed on the couch.  Diva arranged for her Dad to come pick her up so she could spend the weekend with him.  He didn’t show up until 11 pm. I walked her downstairs to get him to sign a document.  As we walked out of the elevator, my neighbours still at the party, yelled my name.  Who knew this was a happening place to be.

Once Diva left, I went to the party and hung out for 1.5 hrs.  These folks did not want to go home.  There were many empty bottles on the table and lots of food still left.  It seemed like a good time was had by all.

I have a neighbour that I haven’t seen in a couple of weeks at least.  Her parking spot is empty and every time I see it, I get a bad feeling.  Well it looks like I was right.  According to her family members, she had a stroke while traveling in the US and is now in hospital in a coma and has been there for 2-3 weeks.  She is not yet stable enough to be brought back to Toronto.  This just makes me so sad as she is such a kind person.  Whenever I see her in the hall she would always tell me she is praying for me.  I guess now is my turn to pray for her.  Please feel free to add her into your prayers as well.

Today was another day that confirmed I really do need to change jobs.  My last day will be December 31 unless they walk me out sooner.  The politics in this place just doesn’t work for me.  I can’t wait to be gone.

On a completely different topic, I miss the sun.  It was another grey day, this time with rain.  It washed away most of the snow and what was left behind is now muddy and gross.  I don’t mind the cold what I need is bright light.  I even contemplated buying a wake up light to help me get up in the morning as this girl is dragging. I fought temptation and bought this instead.

I have always wanted this bag but the price was a bit much for a nylon bag.  But at almost 42% off sure why not.  I figure I can always return it if I don’t love it when it arrives, right?